Only far away can I appreciate you

This week, in record time, I got access to all databases and programs that I need at work. So, I've already been able to work and book quite a lot although I was told that for at least a month I would just have to sit on my ass and busy myself with internet or something. On the job front I have also had a lot of blasts from the past this week. I've received e-mails from 3 separate companies in Finland about jobs that I applied for in the beginning of the year... Doesn't give a very good picture of how they do business in those companies! But it reminded me of the fact that even though it is said that being born in Finland is like winning the lottery, the reality, for me at least, is far from it.  

Ever since I was little I haven't quite fit in the mold of a Finn. Finns are calm (in public), quiet, very reserved, mind everybody's business but will tell you the opposite and worry a lot about what other people think of them. Finns are raised to be super-independent. We don't ask for help, we don't need it, we can do this ourselves and everybody should accept that. This is a very strong part of me as well (in the tube in London dragging 2 big suitcases up and down the stairs I wouldn't accept help even though it was offered several times... stupid). There are merits to this, but more than often it goes way overboard. Like when there was a man on fire on a bus stop and people just kept walking by. They called the police, but nobody even thought about helping the man. This is the reason why I am afraid to walk alone in my home town after dark. If I was attacked in the middle of the street I can't expect anyone to help me. 

Yes, I know, I shouldn't generalize, but I do. There are a lot of people who aren't as rigid as mentioned above, and I am lucky enough to know many such people, but the truth is that's the basic character of Finns.

I am loud, very outspoken, don't give a second thought to what anybody but the people closest to me think about me, I embarrass myself and am cool with it, and I try my utmost to find something positive even in the worst days. I believe there's one thing in the world that is absolutely certain and that's the fact that life will go on even if I don't. 

I can't even count how many times in these past three weeks I have been told that I cannot be a Finn. For some reason I'm always happy to hear that. But even though Finland is a place where I am not happy it is still my home country and despite my negativity about a lot of things in Finland I can be proud of certain facts: that I have been able to grow up in a perfect family, in a peaceful country surrounded by beautiful nature and the bestest friends anyone could have. I have had opportunities in life that most people in the world can't even dream of. I'm always happy to go home, but I need a long distance to be able to appreciate the good qualities that my home country has. Some may think that's sad, I think it's brilliant. How many experiences poorer I would be if I had been content with my life in Finland!

And here ends my morning rant :D Something lighter next time!