Causes of Autumn: Rage and Blessings
This year has been particularly bad weather-wise; we moved from Spring straight to Autumn (read: we moved from rain straight to more rain). And now it seems that global warming might ensure that in the future 'Summer' will become a word that can only be used in past tense, because warm waters (and thus weather) will flee from these latitudes.
It's little bit hard to try and stay positive when the shelf of clouds on top of us is so thick and consistent that we live in constant darkness. The difference between day and night becomes more and more obscure every day as the days also get shorter. Oh yeah, and then there's this rain. Like, non-stop rain, which I thought was a physical impossibility... Unless you live in the monsoon area, which I do not. But it turns out that there is an area, the very last corner of Europe where all clouds gather and dump their load throughout the year. And that place is called Estonia and I, an imbecile moron, decided to move here from the sunny hills of Bratislava.
Well, here I am. Have been for much longer than I originally anticipated. I sometimes wonder myself how the hell I manage to survive from one day to the next. But when I get over the unstoppable fit of rage (that happens minimum once a day every day during the darker half of the year) and start questioning myself why I'm still here the reasons come to me quite quickly each time:
If we ignore the fact that the weather hasn't really changed from previous February, Autumn up here is an amazing period to witness. I managed to forget just how wonderful Autumn could be when I lived in London and in Bratislava (OK I was in Finland in between but I was so depressed that I probably wouldn't have noticed if somebody had been hitting me in the face with a frying pan). The colour-scheme is incredible! Our office is at level with the surrounding maple treetops so all we see from our windows every day is this sea of dazzling orange, yellow and bright red.
(IF weather permits) there is no better time of year to go for a walk or a jog in the woods than October! In addition to colours, an Autumn forest smells wonderful. It's amazing how rotting leaves and grass can smell so fresh and sweet. And the air is somehow much more crisp: +10 degrees in Spring is a completely different matter than +10 degrees in the Autumn.
And obviously there's this thing, this favourite thing of mine that always makes me sooo happy: food! I love all seasonal foods: in the Spring it's all about asparagus and herbs, in the summer berries and new potatoes, and in the Autumn mushrooms and root vegetables. Yeah, doesn't sound exactly media-sexy. In fact the Slovakian 100-year-old tradition of feasting and eating duck and goose sounds much more butch than being excited about vegetables. But since I have become a lover of vegetarian food, with the occasional steak on the side, I find myself getting super happy in restaurants when I see salads with beetroot or pumpkin and sweet potato soups on the menu. To be honest, the best side dish for a good steak also is grilled vegetables. So eat that!
I don't know what it is about Autumn that also makes me think about the future and where my life is going at the moment. Because it always makes me think about these things. When I look back, it's usually been Autumn when I have started to apply for a new job. And last Autumn I had no possibility and no need to change anything in my life, which was probably why I was so bloody lost, exhausted and shocked about the increasing darkness and the fact that I felt incredibly stuck.
Unlike about 3-5 years ago, when changes in my life happened really fast, they have now started to happen more gradually. Which is probably good since I'm not 20 anymore as my body has started to remind me. Even if mind-wise I don't think I'm over 22 really. But again I find myself in this situation where I feel like I'm literally hanging in the air, just like if you popped onto the Moon all of a sudden (there's no gravity, duh). I'm just hanging, waiting for my feet to hit the ground and when they do I'll start running... And I again trust that which ever direction life has made me run to is the right way to go. And it's so bloody cool, I love this feeling when I have aaabsolutely no idea what's gonna happen. It might be nothing. Like so many times before, nothing might happen. Or it might. I dunno. It's great!
And so we went from absolute rage against the natural elements into glee and excitement about life's unpredictability. I wonder if it's just me who is capable of going from one end of the spectrum to the opposite other end within about 2 minutes or if there are more of such seemingly unstable individuals out there...