Outlandish

Yesterday after work I was sitting in my favourite café here in Bratislava, Urban House, having a glass of wine and looking out of the window at people coming from and going to the Christmas market. And it hit me like a ton of bricks: what the hell am I doing? Why am I moving away from a place where I have been nothing but happy 100% of the time? Why am I changing a job in a huge, international company to a job in a small, unknown company?  I had to really pick my brain and list some pros and cons again in my mind and eventually it all comes down to one thing. Family. That's why I'm moving away from here, closer to home. It's my brother's and my best friend's birthdays at the end of January and if I lived in Slovakia I wouldn't be able to attend either. At this moment, when panic is rising in me, the fact that I wouldn't have to fly to get home made it certain to me that this is something I have to do right now. If I didn't go to Tallinn a...

It's December so I am "allowed" to spread open my suitcase and start filling it with shoes and clothes for the Christmas holidays in Finland. Three weeks is a relatively long time for having only one suitcase but this time the biggest challenge is that I should fill it with things that I can leave home when I fly back after Christmas. There's no point to drag, for example, summer clothes and shoes from here to Tallinn when I won't be needing them for at least six months. 1st of December is also the holy day when everyone gets to finally open the first doors on their Advent calendars. I remember how difficult it was as a child to wait for December to dawn on when we knew in which closet the calendars were standing and waiting. I also remember one time when the first of December came and it turned out that my brother had already emptied the entire calendar of all chocolates. Why he had then closed the doors again and left the empty calendar in the close...

Back in Bratislava again. Seemed like I brought the gray clouds with me but thankfully they were gone by Thursday. It was great to be home, especially because the month was very action-packed, but it is also nice to be back in Brati. The trees here are full of flowers and pushing new leaves and there's the smell of fresh grass everywhere.  My last weekend in Finland was the Easter weekend, which provided us with enough time to go to see one of my favourite girls up in Kajaani. It takes between 7-9 hours to drive there so going there for only one day doesn't make so much sense. In addition to spending the weekend with my best friends it was also the perfect distraction for me; I didn't think about the fact that I was leaving again on Tuesday at all. My friend and her husband had bought and renovated a house in Kajaani and now they had a little baby-boy. I thought that going to Kajaani would not leave me with enough time to pack and get ready to go, but the fa...

Time to get on the road again. Three weeks in Finland has been very nice, very lazy, full of wonderful food and people, and just plain simple relaxing. Most of the time I've occupied my parents' couch.  I wouldn't mind spending another lazy week here, but on the other hand I miss my friends in Bratislava and I miss the office full of people. I also miss the weather, no matter if it rains and is cloudy, as long as the temperature is above 0. My poor high heels have been completely useless here. Even though it really is too dark here and going outside is a challenge, because I don't have anything to wear in my feet and every step is a risk, I'm going to miss the snow-covered landscapes. So beautiful and peaceful! I'm also happy that we had time to go check out our summer house in the archipelago. I've missed the sea so much! But it was so cold that day that I couldn't smell the salty sea air. I was not built for the cold.  So, I...

Six days until it's time to be on my way again. The last two weeks I've planned and prepared my flat to be packed up and all the time I've tried to adjust to the idea of leaving. But it hasn't felt like reality so much yet. Last night, though, I dreamed I was sitting in my room at my parents' place after it had been emptied. There was a desk with nothing on it or in the drawers. The wardrobe doors were open but there was nothing in them. And in the morning I remembered again the feeling that follows after you have done everything else, and the only thing left to be done is leaving. That feeling sucks. But it's something you have to get over and just go. The odds are something great is waiting behind the corner, which you will miss if you let the not-so-great feelings take over.  The picture above gives an accurate picture of my packing method: going through the closets one can find clothes that have been overlooked for a while and come up with new o...