Bachelorette in Brno

Brno; a city I've wanted to visit since I moved here. A colleague used to study there and we've tried multiple times to make plans to go there without much success. But now she's about to get married and she wanted to have a Bachelorette weekend in her former home town so it was set. An early train (late of course) on Saturday morning took us to Brno by noon. We dropped off our bags at Kristi's friend's place and went to look for a place for lunch.

The place that we wanted to go to - a burger place - turned out to be closed, though, and they would be opening at 5pm. So, on we walked. Me, Brigi and Orsi becoming continuously slower because of the hunger... ok, gossip! The next place we tried had a lunch menu but when we started ordering each of our orders was shot down with "we don't have that today". Turned out there was a food festival and all the food from the restaurant had been taken there. Raises a question what was the point of keeping the place open if there was nothing they could serve their customers?

After that we just stepped into the next restaurant that crossed our path. A Chinese one! So, we ate a bit more than what we had planned for a lunch but the Fortune Cookies were interesting. 

After lunch we walked around the city centre and made a trip down Kristi's memory lane (went to see their campus and the faculty of arts). There was a lot going on in Brno! I don't know if it's like that every weekend but if it is I like it! There were musical performances in every little square (even opera) and food and handicrafts sold in stalls. We went searching for a stall with this certain kind of wine: fermented wine. It's not yet proper wine but a stage just before. It tasted like lemonade with a little bitterness. Quite good actually, even if it doesn't sound like it.  

On the square where we bought the wine there was also a sight that Kristi had introduced to me on Google before the trip: a cock-clock. Basically it's a black statue resembling a shuttle and in some weird way it's supposed to tell the time. There were instructions and all for it but we couldn't quite see how you could tell the time by that thing. Thankfully I had my faithful watch. Which broke later in the evening...

Walking on we came across an alley with a crocodile (or a dragon?) hanging from the ceiling where Kristi got to show off her skills in Finnish language: "Olen pieni krokotiili". 

According to the legend the architect wasn't paid so he fucked up the top on purpose.

Our tourist round continued upwards to the Cathedral of St. Peter and Paul. Czech Republic is the most Atheist country in Europe but they have churches everywhere. In Brno there seemed to be a church in every corner. And even if not used for worship they are gorgeous buildings and huge pieces of art. Especially these Gothic ones, such details. 

Picture above depicts my absolute favourite statue in the whole wide world. I don't know why but I find it so hilarious. It's like somebody's trying to crawl out from underneath the hat but is finding it rather challenging. Poor chap! 

The Cathedral was quite big from the outside but the inside was surprisingly small, if still very beautiful. The big, colourful windows behind the altar are absolutely gorgeous. 

B as Brno

Mentally questionable

From the Cathedral we went downhill. Happily. And then we had to go uphill again to get to the Spilberg Castle (to this day I thought it belongs to the family of the movie director Steven Spielberg... apparently no). The castle was originally founded in 13th century but was renovated to its current size in the 1700's. After that it became a jail for political prisoners and these days is a City Museum with a jewellery collection from the 1800-1900's. 

Evening came and with it: Time to Party. We had booked a table from a pub where each table had its own tap and you could pour your own beer. But before going there we needed something to eat so we headed to Bar Ktery Neexistuje (= The Bar that doesn't Exist). Eva said they had the best burgers ever.   

We hadn't been able to book a table from there but we decided to try, and just when we were in front of it taking photos of our beautiful bride-to-be, a bunch of people came out of the bar. "THEY'RE LEAVING!" We ran in and got a table! The bar was very nice and cozy, in my opinion cheap as hell although I know some Czechs might disagree (mini burger, glass of wine, 3 shots and a cocktail approx. 16€!!), and service was amazing! And that says a lot because around here customer service isn't really appreciated as worth anything. But there my glass of water was filled up instantly without asking, waiters were very polite and you didn't have to wait for service for long at any point, which is a thing that you usually simply have to endure here. And the burgers. Eva didn't lie, it was the best burger I have ever eaten! I took a mini burger but the beef is so thick that it was quite enough.

In the end we were so comfy in the Bar that doesn't Exist with our many drinks that didn't exist, running to the toilet that didn't exist, that we never made it to the bar with taps in every table. Instead we enjoyed Slovak booze (Tatratea) and cocktails with awesome names: Tom Hardy(!!!!!), Johnny Depp and Julie Roberts, just to name few.

Around midnight we decided it was time to dance so we headed to a club. No idea what club it was but it was very nice and very cheap with the WORST DJ ever in existence. To be fair, though, in the former Eastern European countries DJs tend to be completely shit, regardless of the style and price level of the club. This one had no idea what a DJ's job really is, he kept playing shit songs even though he could see the dance floor emptying now and then because of the songs. He didn't have any sense in the style of music: most songs were from 1980-1995 and none of them the best of that interval or fitting to a club. It didn't help that I hate 80's music overall anyway :D Altogether I counted two songs from 2015 and about 5 from the 21st century. Apparently it was a popular place among Erasmus students from all around the world so most of the people probably didn't even know half of the songs. He did play Queen though... one song and definitely not one that fits into a club environment. How was he ever allowed to play??? Correct me if I'm wrong but there aren't any superstar-DJs from Eastern European countries... not that I know of anyway. And maybe that's because they are subjected to such shit examples in their clubs. 

Despite the DJ we had a blast and it was so great to dance since I-can't-remember-when! Also we got a lot of inquiries about in which Erasmus program we were studying despite the fact that we had pins on each of us with "Bridal Party" printed on it and one of us was wearing a veil. One of these inquirers being probably 40 years old judging by the amount of wrinkles on his face. I made it quite clear to him from the start that I was not interested in chatting with him but when he discovered that I was from Finland he came back with the worst line ever: "My grandfather was from Finland, do you know him?!?" Yes, of course, because I personally know each and every one of the 5 million Finns, STUPID!

Around 4AM we crawled out of the club and to a bus stop with tortured feet. Me, Brigi and Orsi shared a couch where Brigi was afraid of being hit by me in my sleep because I talk a lot with my hands when I'm awake, so she expected me to be the same way asleep as well :D She survived the night unscathed. Surprisingly we were able to make it to the train at 10:20 in the morning, so we had most of the Sunday for recovering from the party. The time I spent awake I spent by watching the entire 5th season of Downton Abbey.

Thank you girls so much for an awesome weekend and loads of love and happiness to Kristi this Friday!! <3   


  1. Don't forget the waiter. And I'm glad someone shared my music opinion :)


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